I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
