Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
