He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
