my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize