I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
