I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
