Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
