Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
