Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
