He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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