its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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