just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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