he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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