I got chris browned last night
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
