You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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