The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
