Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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