capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
