I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
