Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
