I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
