who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
