Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
