Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
