So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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