So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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