You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
