When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He? As in you personified your dick?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
