Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
