I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
smell my finger.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
