you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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