I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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