just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did I show you my penis last night?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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