girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
