I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
