Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
