I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
