i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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