I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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