it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dear god my vagina.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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