It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize