Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
