Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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