"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
