so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
