This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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