Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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