you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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