ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
