I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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