that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
