I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
