so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
