I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
