He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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