woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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