Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
