so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
