There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
