suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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