I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
