I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
