Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
