I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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