awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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