Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
