You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
