There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
