I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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