just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
