Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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