I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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