One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
