I am midnight drunk by noon
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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