he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
