he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
