never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
