Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
