you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
